(Featured story on The Mighty)
When I saw the story about Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain I thought to myself, “I get it.” That is the type of depression that I deal with, its the one that says “I get it” when someone says they just can’t do it anymore.
Today I am struggling with soul-crushing depression and anxiety. This post isn’t from days, weeks, or months ago. I mean today. I am in a cycle of not really eating, sleeping, or have the ability to focus because I am in the free fall of depression. Some shifts have happened in my life recently that have shined a spotlight on purposely, ignored pain I have swept under the rug and also a lifetime of horrible coping mechanisms which I thought I really have evolved from but alas I have not.
Each time I bottom out like I am today (typing through tears if I’m being honest) I remember the same tips I give others and they are as follows:
1) Reach out and bring people you trust in. They not only will listen but they want to listen. They will help you work through the obstacle course of despair. Even if its just hearing you so you can talk it out.
2) Remember this intense pain WILL PASS. You just have to hang on during the dark nights. But don’t isolate yourself because you are ashamed of your pain or sadness. People who truly love you will not judge you for your heart or your feelings.
3) Work with your closest loves and your healthcare professional on a plan. Make an extra appointment with your therapist and they will help you try to pinpoint the source of your sorrow and help to devise a plan of action. You don’t want to be mired down in the hopelessness of it.
4) Remember that its okay to not be okay at times. The narrative your pain is telling you is not the whole story and certainly not the ending. Heck many times its not even the real story at all.
5) It’s worth mentioning again, DO NOT ISOLATE YOURSELF. Your depression is counting on you to shut out the world so it can tell you all of the lies it has in store. Believe me when I say they’re all lies. Your friends will bring you truth and light, let it in.
Please note that I do see a professional as well. If you are having issues I urge you to do the same. It takes constant vigilance to undo trauma and/or pain in your life.
Thanks for listening and be well.